Friday, August 4, 2017

Fart Control 101

Fart control.  Difficult to master.  Fulfilling.  A destiny creating experience for those who master it.  Do you wish to control farts?  Think about that for a moment.  What would that mean?  Well, in the first sense, it is controlling one's own farts, which is a useful skill, given the social nature of our existence and the general frowning upon of farting while in the company of others.  In the second sense, controlling the farts of others, it is a powerful mechanism for social engineering.

This blog will explore both forms of fart control, but will spend much more time exploring the theory behind and techniques for controlling the farts of others, quite arguably the more valuable skill to have.

Now, we aren't going to immediately get into the techniques, because for the techniques to be mastered, one has to understand the theory.  So, well, yes.  That is that.

Here is an outline of what we will be covering from a theoretical point of view.

  • The Human Digestive System
  • Farty foods
  • Stress and farting
  • Morning farts
  • Revenge farts
  • The human nervous system
  • Fruity farts
  • Laughter and farting
  • Wrong time farts
  • Revenge farts II
  • The colon
  • The sphyncter
  • The rectum
  • The anus
  • Hair
  • Spraying farts
  • General cleanup 
  • Lying about farts
  • Lying about the farts of others
  • Depression and farts
  • ADHD and farts
  • Other mental disorders and farts
  • Pillow farts
  • The power of the push
  • The danger of the push
  • Revenge farts III
  • Spastic colon
  • Humiliation
  • Remorseless farts
  • Squeakers
  • Flappers
  • Puffs
  • The trombone
  • Depression and farts II
  • Pillow farts II
  • Understanding farts
  • Talking farts
  • Dirty bombs
  • Broken promises
  • Chemical analysis
  • Smell tests
  • What do farts taste like?
  • Who farted?
Following that, we will jump right into the subject of controlling the farts of other.  Now, I know you might be thinking we are never going to get to the good part, but fear not.  We will get there.  

Fart Control 101

Fart control.  Difficult to master.  Fulfilling.  A destiny creating experience for those who master it.  Do you wish to control farts?  Thi...